Last Saturday was my first day of the training program. I obviously did not sleep a wink the night before, and my mind was racing with all the possible “what ifs” that I could conjure up in my overanalytical, sometimes crazy head. Waking up the morning of I had serious butterfilies in my stomach…which actually felt more like a swarm of bees…and I was beyond nervous. But what was there to be nervous about? I kept trying to remind myself that I’ve been to this studio almost every day for months, I know the teachers, I feel comfortable here, I love yoga, I’m interested, I want to learn, what is the problem? Well obviously I could find a million things that could possibly go wrong….but the second I walked through those same doors that I had walked through all summer, all of my doubts were tossed out the window.
There are 19 of us in total in the program, and we could not be a more eclectic group. 99% female, we came from all walks of life, ages, nationalities, occupations, you name it. Yet at the same time, we all have a common interest and a common goal. And knowing that made me realize that this group of individuals will really become my new family. I get to study with a group of people who are all so incredibly different on the outside….yet all here for the exact same reason. We love yoga and we want to learn more.
A 6 hour day spent sitting on the floor , with the occasional brief downward dog or reclining head to knee pose…or wait, supta padungusthasana, my teacher made us repeat this over and over until we got it right, and I still get tongue twisted. People, Sanskrit is hard!! Anywhoos…sitting on the floor for 6 hours was certainly a challenge. And while I do have a desk job and am often seated for my full 8 hour work day, sitting with no back support requires the use of a whole new range of back muscles that I forget I have.
I’m used to moving in my classes, and moving lots, but Saturday was just about learning, sitting, listening. It was about getting back to basics. Big picture stuff. Learning to get rid of your ego…develop conscious relationships with others. A metaphor my teacher gave us to help explain conscious relationships, which really resonated with me, is as follows: we are all waves in an ocean….but if we separate ourselves, and only look at ourselves on an individual level, we build floors to our waves and become alienated…alone…depressed. We need to drop these floors, get rid of our ego, see ourselves in others…we must develop relationships where we are completely conscious and aware of the other person. Look at ourselves as "big self" (ocean) rather than "little self" (wave). This is the only way to truly become connected…to truly be at peace.
If I learned anything last weekend (besides the fact that my back hurts from simply sitting) it is that I need to become more conscious of my relationships with everyone: family, friends, coworkers, lovers, everyone. Connection is key. Especially with the group of individuals I will be training with. I can only do this if I let go of my silly ego and join the other waves in the big wide ocean.
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